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A feeling of uneasiness about the environment in the Continuing Care Facilities.

"It's a place full of old, sick people with varying degrees of physical or mental disability".

Difficulty interacting with a family member or friend because of the physical and/or cognitive changes of the resident.

"I can't stand looking at my dad-ever since his stroke, he drools all the time". "My mother doesn't even recognize me any more".

The reality that your prior relationship with the resident often comes into play during visits.

"Mother complains all the time when I visit ~ I don't visit often enough, I was mean to place her in the Continuing Care Facilities. It drives me crazy ~ all my life, all she ever did was criticize me".

It is important to identify what it is that actually makes you feel uncomfortable.

If it is the physical environment of the care facility that bothers you, visiting on a regular basis may actually help to minimize your discomfort. People often find that, once they become familiar with the environment, they become more comfortable in it. If you can't get over your unease, find a spot for your visit that seems less institutional, such as your family member's room, a lounge or a garden.

If it is the physical and/or memory changes in your family member or friend that disturbs you, arm yourself with knowledge. We are often most uncomfortable with things we don't understand and don't know how to cope with. Learn about your family member/friend's disability and its effects on the person. Try to obtain information on how to interact with the resident. Staff at the care facility can be important resources in helping you learn how to overlook the disability and make the most of the remaining strengths of your family member/friend.

If it is the emotional aspects of the visit that are difficult, try to figure out what it is about the situation that is causing you emotional distress. There are several possibilities.

	For example, people enter a care facility because their care needs are beyond what can be provided at home by their family, even with supports. This reality can cause great emotional distress ~ guilt, anger and grief ~ in both you and your loved one. Visits can bring out these emotions.
	If your past relationship with the resident was stressful and there are unresolved points of pain in your relationship, you may be trying to resolve these issues during your visits. These visits become difficult because of the expectations and emotions that you bring. You may need to accept that you are not going to be able to heal past pains.

Understanding and coming to terms with your emotions can ease some of the stress of a visit. Individual counselling or joining a support group may be helpful. Speak to the unit staff about resources available to you.
 

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211 Heritage Drive, S.E.; Calgary, Alberta T2H 1M9
Last Updated: Saturday December 27, 2003 06:06 AM, Pacific Time